Tuesday, August 24. 2010
The Web Is Dead
'Over the past few years, one of the most important shifts in the digital world has been the move from the wide-open Web to semiclosed platforms that use the Internet for transport but not the browser for display. It’s driven primarily by the rise of the iPhone model of mobile computing, and it’s a world Google can’t crawl, one where HTML doesn’t rule. And it’s the world that consumers are increasingly choosing, not because they’re rejecting the idea of the Web but because these dedicated platforms often just work better or fit better into their lives (the screen comes to them, they don’t have to go to the screen). The fact that it’s easier for companies to make money on these platforms only cements the trend. Producers and consumers agree: The Web is not the culmination of the digital revolution.' (Wired article).
Wednesday, August 4. 2010
Sleep Paralysis: Manifestation Of The Shadow People
A couple of nights ago I experienced what is commonly known as sleep paralysis. I've had a minor occurrence of it before, but on this occasion I found myself overcome with a feeling of intense terror. This coupled with what looked like a tall dark figure that appeared to be breaking into reality through one of the corners of my room next to the door. The figure was gaunt and somewhat Nospheratu-like in stature with what looked like a wide-brimmed had on it's head. I couldn't make out its features but my ears were filled with a pulsating sound and my body seemed to be vibrating as though I was somehow being phased out of reality, beamed up, or probed by some kind of scanner.
The terror that I felt wasn't so much due to the feeling of an evil presence in the room, but I got the impression that this thing was highly intelligent, had an agenda and that it regarded me as little more than an insect that stood in its way. All the while I couldn't move a single muscle.
"As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods" as Shakespeare put it, and eventually after several minutes my girlfriend shook me out of it because I was "howling like a terrified animal," she said.
It happened twice more that night but on the last two occasions I managed to get myself out of it by realising that this was merely sleep paralysis. After each occasion my waking perceptions were filled with mild hallucinations and the experience instantly made me think that these symptoms could be synonymous with the alien abduction experience.
Now, I don't for one minute think that this was anything other than an exceptional case of sleep paralysis as defined by modern psychology, however, the archetypes of the Shadow People and, in particular, "The Hat Man" intrigues me considerably.
Here's an interesting ten part interview with Professor David J. Hufford, author of the provocative study The Terror That Comes In The Night. (YouTube video stream).
Sunday, August 1. 2010
BP's Misadventures In Photoshop
'BP has released hundreds of photos aimed at giving us all an inside glimpse of the Gulf oil spill and the company’s clean-up efforts. But it’s BP’s enthusiastic use of Photoshop that’s getting it all the attention. Which is too bad because the Photoshop blunders are unnecessary, cast further doubt on BP and erase whatever minuscule image boost BP received when Bob Dudley took over the Gulf oil spill response.
'The doctored images aren’t egregious. Silly, shoddy and unnecessary are better descriptions. The three images that have been discovered so far all try to add more “activity” to the photo. For example, images were doctored to fill in the blank screens at BP’s crisis command center. The helipad in another photo was removed to give the appearance that a helicopter was flying.' (BNet article).
Wednesday, July 28. 2010
The Decline Of The US As A World Power
'Robert Anton Wilson was perhaps the first to popularize the observation that during the history of human civilization, power and money has always moved west. From the beginnings of civility in Sumer to modern day China, there has always been a westward flow of technology, money, power and manufacturing capacity. In the beginnings of the Industrial Revolution, we witnessed the flow of influence from the Vatican to Britain, an empire on which it was said that the sun never set. As Britain's power waned in the early 20th century, so the flow moved westwards to America. Now in the 21st century we have witnessed a further flow westwards towards East Asia. While America still holds most of the cards as the world's richest economy, the focal point of industry and manufacture has long left its shores.
'It is an absolute mystery as to why this trend has continued without exception for nearly four millenia. Yet this trend isn't so powerful as to rend all countries utterly powerless before it. America is still the richest country in the world. It still possesses a near monopoly on the flow of culture, entertainment and ideas. It has the most powerful military industrial machine in all of human history, and the biggest financial and global corporate institutions are based there. So where is the decline? The answer to that lies not in GDP figures or Wall Street or the towering heights of financial markets, but in other social and economic factors. A fair measure on which to base America is by its own declaration as the 'land of the free'. Taking that freedom in both a political and economic context, we have a basis on which to judge America's decline.' (Helium article).
Monday, July 19. 2010
Double Slit Anomaly Is No Mystery To Doctor PR
Jim Elvidge is, in my opinion, a goddamned genius. Here's his latest weblog entry. Whilst you're there go buy his wonderful book on programmed reality. I cannot recommend it highly enough.
'One of the keys to understanding our reality is found in a very unusual and anomalous experiment done over 200 years ago by Thomas Young. The philosophical debate that resulted from this experiment and its successors during the quantum era of the 20th century may hold the key to understanding everything - from bona fide scientific anomalies to cold fusion and bigfoot sightings.
'If you are unfamiliar with this experiment, please watch the Doctor Quantum cartoon on the Double Slit Experiment. It provides a good explanation of two paradoxes that have puzzled scientists for many years. In summary, here is the conundrum:
'1. If you fire electrons at a screen through a single slit in an otherwise impenetrable barrier, there will be a resulting pattern on the screen as you might expect - a single band of points.
'2. If you fire electrons at a screen through a barrier with two slits, the pattern that will build up on the screen is not one of two bands of points, but rather an entire interference pattern, as if the electrons were actually waves instead of particles.
'This is one paradox - that electrons (and all other particles) have dual personalities in that they can act like both waves and particles. Further, the personality that emerges matches the type of experiment that you are doing. If you are testing to see if the electron acts like a particle, it will. If you are testing to see if the electron acts like a wave, it will.
'3. Even if the electrons are fired one at a time, eliminating the possibility of electrons interfering with each other, over time, the same pattern emerges.
'4. If you put a measuring device at the slit, thereby observing which slit each electron passes through, the interference pattern disappears.
'This is the more mysterious paradox - that the mere act of observation changes the result of the experiment. The implications of this are huge because they imply that our conscious actions create or modify reality.' (The Universe Solved weblog & Doctor Quantum cartoon).
Friday, July 16. 2010
How BP's Gulf Disaster May Have Triggered Doomsday
'Ominous reports are leaking past the BP Gulf salvage operation news blackout that the disaster unfolding in the Gulf of Mexico may be about to reach biblical proportions.
'251 million years ago a mammoth undersea methane bubble caused massive explosions, poisoned the atmosphere and destroyed more than 96 percent of all life on Earth. Experts agree that what is known as the Permian extinction event was the greatest mass extinction event in the history of the world.
'55 million years later another methane bubble ruptured causing more mass extinctions during the Late Paleocene Thermal Maximum (LPTM).
'The LPTM lasted 100,000 years.
'Those subterranean seas of methane virtually reshaped the planet when they explosively blew from deep beneath the waters of what is today called the Gulf of Mexico.
'Now, worried scientists are increasingly concerned the same series of catastrophic events that led to worldwide death back then may be happening again - and no known technology can stop it.
'The bottom line: BP’s Deepwater Horizon drilling operation may have triggered an irreversible, cascading geological Apocalypse that will culminate with the first mass extinction of life on Earth in many millions of years.' (Helium article).
Tuesday, July 13. 2010
Misfits: From Asbos To Superheroes
This is undoubtedly the best TV drama series I've seen in a long time. Written by Howard Overman, Misfits follows five outsiders on community service who get struck by a flash storm and lumbered with special powers. In other words, it's like The Breakfast Club meets Being Human meets Grant Morrison's The Invisibles.
Here's the synopsis...
'Misfits follows five teenagers on community service who get struck by lightning and are given special powers. Kelly (Lauren Socha) becomes telepathic, Curtis (Nathan Stewart Jarrett) can rewind time, Alisha (Antonia Thomas) can send people into a sexual frenzy when they touch her skin, and Simon (Iwan Rheon) can make himself invisible. Seemingly left unaffected is smart alec Nathan (Robert Sheehan), although his power is revealed in the sixth episode.' (4OD video streams or Isohunt torrent download).
Doug Stanhope's Comedy Death Camp
'It is very easy for a comic - or anyone I guess - to get bogged down in hate and cynicism.
'I am guilty of that most hours of the day. It has nothing to do with money or career or all the other trivia. While some of my bitterness could be attributed to excessive drink, it is mostly rooted in the idiocy that surrounds me and the shit people will accept as good or correct or real, etc, without any question whatsoever.
'Regardless, it is still hate and whatever angst I can't immediately turn into comedy proceeds to ruin my daily life. So I try to limit my exposure to it, recognize it for what it is and move on.
'Try something new. Travel someplace I've never been. Try food I've never tasted. Listen to music I've never heard. And hate all of it.
'It's important - especially in my business - to have a very deep well of hatred.
'One thing though that I've hated since even my youngest, hope-filled days as a comic - worse than bad comedy, hack comedy or even joke thieves - are people who teach stand-up comedy classes.' (Doug Stanhope article).
Sunday, July 11. 2010
Shutting The Fuck Up Is The New Talking
Monday, July 5. 2010
Crises Of Capitalism
Watch this and get a lot smarter in just 11 minutes!
Radical sociologist David Harvey asks if it is time to look beyond capitalism towards a new social order that would allow us to live within a system that really could be responsible, just, and humane?"
From a speech given at the prestigious Royal Society for the encouragement of Arts, Manufactures and Commerce. (RSA video animation).
Note: you can also watch his full lecture here.
Sunday, July 4. 2010
Gig Review: Shooglenifty - Gigha Island Music Festival (June 26th 2010)
"All the levers forward, all the time," was one of the text messages I received from the Sergeant Matron prior to the gig, however, on this occasion I think that one of the levers broke off from the control panel and his comment of being "45 going on 15" seems more appropriate as an epitaph to mark the memory of this occasion.
It had started in the usual kind of way, the mad dash to get everything together the night previous, followed by an annoying shift at work that had to be completed in the morning. This could've made things tight for getting to the island on time had it not been for my good friend and work colleague Dasbo The Asbo - who forfeited his Saturday off to help me complete my duty and get us on the road earlier.
You see, the Isle of Gigha is some 160 miles away and with Bingo at the controls there was every possibility of us getting lost or going in the wrong direction entirely. Fortunately, this time, he came prepared with "the analogue SatNav" as he referred to it: a small yellow post-it note stuck to the air-vent of his car's dashboard listing all the roads between Fife (aka Hazzard County) and Tayinloan ferry port.
You see, we had decided to go in heavy this time, taking the tepee, gazebo, tents, fold down chairs, table, and Aladdin Blue Flame paraffin droid for extra heat in the evening if required - and, of course, for cooking homemade bothy-style pizza on.
I had prepared around 8 pizza bases in the bread machine the night previous and - utilising the remains of a disposable barbeque - rigged up a grill-mod to the top of S3E3 (my Aladdin Blue Flame Paradroid) to make a tasty pre-gig munch. Who said camping out had to be without its luxuries? Provided we caught the 4 pm ferry across to Fantasy Island, we'd get there in plenty time to set up basecamp and stuff ourselves full of carbohydrates to help soak up the inevitable colossal consumption of liquid adult refreshments.
Continue reading "Gig Review: Shooglenifty - Gigha Island Music Festival (June 26th 2010)"
Thursday, July 1. 2010
Another Unsolved Statistic
Wednesday, June 30. 2010
ConDem Your Freedom
Apparently the UK's ConDem Government "is committed to restoring and defending your freedom" and they want us to participate. Yeah right!
Their website states:
'We're working to create a more open and less intrusive society through our Programme for Government. We want to restore Britain’s traditions of freedom and fairness, and free our society of unnecessary laws and regulations – both for individuals and businesses.
'This site gives you the chance to submit, comment on, or vote for ideas about how we can do this. Your ideas will inform government policy and some of your proposals could end up making it into bills we bring before Parliament to change the law.
'So if there are any laws or regulations you'd like us to do away with, then submit your idea. If you see ideas here already that you like the look of, then rate them and get them moved up the list. And if there’s more you’d like to say, then talk to others in the comments section for each proposal.'
Who knows though, maybe it's the only slither of power Clegg and his cronies have under oppressive Torie rule, therefore, I think I might submit the idea of abolishing politics and politicians for good.
So, sign up, have some fun, and lets see how far these gormless parasites are willing to go. (HM Government's Your Freedom website).
Wednesday, June 23. 2010
Get Your Own Jetpack: A Sci-Fi Dream Come True
'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the future. Please wipe your feet on the way in and take a glass of space juice from the replicator. If you look above you, you'll see what we are all here for. Hovering over your heads is the Martin Jetpack, the world's first commercially available personal flying machine.
'The Martin Jetpack is a personal helicopter. Its tradename calls it a "jetpack", but it is neither jet or rocket-powered. It has been developed by the Martin Aircraft Company of New Zealand, and was unveiled on July 29, 2008 at the Experimental Aircraft Association's 2008 AirVenture in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, USA. It is classified by the Federal Aviation Administration as an experimental ultralight airplane.
'Unlike earlier devices called "jetpacks", the Martin Jetpack is the first to be considered a practical device. It has been under development for over 27 years and uses a gasoline (premium) engine with two ducted fans to provide lift. Theoretically it can reach a speed of 60 miles per hour, an altitude of 8,000 feet, and fly for about 30 minutes on a full fuel tank. It costs $86,000. Martin Aircraft plans to deliver the first jetpacks to ten customers in early 2010.' (Martin Jetpack website).
Sunday, June 20. 2010
Humorous Reviews Of The World's Most Popular Pen
Tuesday, June 15. 2010
Derrick Jensen: BP, Murder & The Gulf Of Mexico
'The murder of the Gulf of Mexico by BP shouldn’t surprise us. It is precisely what industrial capitalism does. Years ago I wrote of the catastrophe in Bhopal: when you intentionally fabricate bulk industrial chemicals, many of which are toxic, it should not qualify as an accident when some of these chemicals kill people. Likewise, the spill in the Gulf should not be considered an accident. There are 10,000 oil spills per year. Oil has devastated the Amazon. It has devastated the Niger Delta. It has devastated the Gulf of Mexico.
'Likewise, after the catastrophe at Bhopal, it was discovered that there was no antidote for the poison. One advocate for the victims noted sensibly: “No one should be allowed to make poisons for which there is no antidote.” The same is true for the other destructive activities of this culture.
'And corporations will not voluntarily rein themselves in. Limited liability corporations exist in order to limit liability. Their function is to privatize profits and to externalize costs.' (Press Action article & WMNF audio stream).
Monday, June 14. 2010
Obama's Fools' Gold In Afghanistan
Sunday, June 13. 2010
Riz Khan: BP And The Gulf Of Mexico Oil Spill
'It has been more than 50 days since the Deepwater Horizon oil rig exploded in the Gulf of Mexico killing 11 workers. The rig burned and sank but BP is still struggling to plug the leak that is pumping millions of litres of oil into the ocean.
'Birds, sea turtles, dolphins and other animals are washing up on shore and the leak is not expected to be stopped for months. Residents of the Gulf coast depend on those waters and the marsh for their livelihood. From shrimping, fishing and oyster beds to tourism, the people who live there have built their lives around this habitat for centuries.
'The scale of the damage is unknown but many fear that this man-made disaster will destroy that way of life.' (Aljazeera video stream).
Tuesday, June 8. 2010
Setting History Free: Interview With Graham Hancock
'Bringing together two inspirational investigators of our hidden past and uncertain future, this unique dialogue between David Wilcock and Graham Hancock takes us on a roller-coaster ride through the wonders of ancient civilisations and into the mysterious nature of reality itself. What is the Ark of the Covenant? Why is its loss the greatest riddle of the Bible? Has its final resting place been found? What do the Great Pyramids and the Great Sphinx of Giza teach us? What was the function of the Osireion and other awesome megalithic sites of unknown origin found throughout Egypt? Were the high knowledge and magic of ancient Egypt brought to the Nile Valley by the survivors of an earlier civilisation around 12,500 years ago at the end of the last Ice Age, an epoch referred to in the Book Of The Dead as Zep Tepi, "The First Time"? The possibility of a great lost civilisation Atlantis by any other name was the focus of Hancock's book Fingerprints Of The Gods and the dialogue considers the evidence for this exciting idea - including out-of-place artifacts and technologies, ancient maps of the world as it last looked more than 12,500 years ago, and the mysteries of the Mayan calendar. Is it a computer for calculating the end of the world? Or do its prophecies of a great change to come speak to us of a joyous rebirth of human consciousness after 21 December 2012? Join Hancock and Wilcock as they discuss Angkor in Cambodia, Baalbeck in the Lebanon, underwater ruins submerged by rising sea levels all around the world at the end of the last Ice Age, and the alleged monuments and a gigantic sculpture of a human face on the planet Mars. The dialogue concludes with a paradigm-busting investigation of parallel realms and universes, spirit beings, shamanism, visionary plants, and the role of altered states of consciousness in exploring and understanding the full mysterious spectrum of reality.' (YouTube video stream playlist).
The Story Of Your Enslavement
Sunday, May 30. 2010
Gone Fishin'
Tuesday, May 25. 2010
Recipes For Disaster: An Anarchist Cookbook
'This is a handbook for direct action. It's not the only one. There are thousands: every gardener's guide is a direct action handbook, as is every cookbook. Any action that side-steps regulations, representatives, and authorities to accomplish goals is direct action. In a society in which political power, economic capital, and social control are centralized in the hands of an elite, certain forms of direct action are discouraged, to say the least. This book is for anyone who wants to take control of her life and accept responsibility for her part in determining the fat of humanity.
'For the civilian born in captivity and raised on spectatorship and submission, direct action changes everything. The morning she arises to put a plan into motion, she awakens under a different sun - if she has been able to sleep at all, that is - and in a different body, attuned to every detail of the world around her and possessed of the power to change it. She finds her companions endowed with tremendous courage and resourcefulness, equal to monumental challenges and worthy of passionate love. Together, they enter a foreign land where outcomes are uncertain but anything is possible and every minute counts.' (Internet Archive pdf download).
Note: to download the full ebook, right click and select "Save As".
Monday, May 24. 2010
Was McKinnon The Victim Of A Russian Hacking Plot?
'I met Gary McKinnon a few years ago and interviewed him over a beer. Over time I have come to the conclusion that despite the serious hacking crimes he committed, he needs help and a period of coummunity service, rather than a 60 year prison sentence.
'McKinnon certainly broke the law and caused damage when he hacked into US military systems. He may not have deleted files, or damaged software, but security specialists had no choice but to rebuild each machine he compromised. That is expensive, time consuming, and disruptive.
'But I believe that McKinnon is telling the truth when he says that he was motivated to hack into US military computers by a desire to prove that the US government is covering-up evidence of UFOs.
'He talked passionately about his late night hacking episodes, discovering pictures of UFO's on military servers and evidence of a US space-corps. Sadly, for UFO conspiracy theorists, no evidence of his discoveries survives.
'Why are the US authorities so keen to extradite such a misguided soul? One rumour going around security and law enforcement agencies might offer an explanation.' (Computer Weekly article and Independant interview).
Sunday, May 23. 2010
Capitalism: A Love Story
'Capitalism: A Love Story is a 2009 American documentary film directed, written by and starring Michael Moore. The film centers on the financial crisis of 2007–2010 and the recovery stimulus, while putting forward an indictment of the current economic order in the United States and capitalism in general.
'Topics covered include Wall Street's "casino mentality", for-profit prisons, Goldman Sachs' influence in Washington, DC, the poverty-level wages of many workers, the large wave of home foreclosures, and the consequences of "runaway greed."' (Isohunt torrent download).
Tuesday, May 18. 2010
RIP RJD
Ronnie James Dio is dead. This is very sad news indeed. I remember first seeing Dio at the Edinburgh Playhouse almost 23 years ago with support band Warlock. I was 17 years old at the time, and I'll never forget the sheer raw energy of that cold December night. My eardrums rang for three days after that gig. It was mindblowing, and I've never been quite the same since. \m/
'Ronnie James Dio’s powerful, multioctave voice was perfectly suited to the ear-splitting, histrionic style of heavy metal and he sang with two of the genre’s most important bands in Rainbow and Black Sabbath.
'After replacing Ozzy Osbourne in the latter, his striking singing on the album Heaven & Hell helped to revitalise Black Sabbath’s fortunes in the early 1980s when the band were at a low ebb. He did so by bringing his own personality to the band, rather than merely imitating Osbourne, and was renowned as one of heavy metal’s most distinctive stylists.
'He also left his mark during his time with Black Sabbath when he popularised the “devil’s horns” gesture. Sometimes refered to as “metal horns” and made with the second and fifth fingers of the hand, it became a popular symbol as a kind of heavy metal equivalent of the Masonic handshake, tapping into the genre’s long fascination with necromancy and the struggle between good and evil. Dio attributed the sign to the influence of his Italian grandmother, who he said had used it to ward off the evil eye.
'After leaving Black Sabbath he formed his own successful metal band Dio, and had recently been reunited with former Black Sabbath colleagues.' (Times Online article & Live At The Spectrum video stream).
Saturday, May 15. 2010
Religulous
'Religulous is a 2008 American comedy/political film written by and starring political comedian Bill Maher and directed by Larry Charles. According to Maher, the title of the film is a portmanteau derived from the words "religion" and "ridiculous"; the documentary examines and mocks organized religion and religious belief.
'A range of views on the various world religions are explored as Bill Maher travels to numerous religious destinations, such as Jerusalem, the Vatican, and Salt Lake City, interviewing believers from a variety of backgrounds and groups, including a former member of Jews for Jesus, Christians, Muslims, former Mormons, and Hasidic Jews. He travels to Speakers' Corner in Hyde Park, London and satirically preaches Scientology beliefs.' (Google video stream).
Friday, May 14. 2010
Voyager 2: Space Oddity
'What on earth (or, rather, way out in space) has become of the Voyager 2 space probe? NASA scientists are baffled by a sudden and so-far indecipherable change in the data format of the signals that the probe has been sending back since late April, leading to some wild and colorful speculations that seem ripped from the screenplay of the original Star Trek movie.
'The Voyager space probes were launched in 1977 (Voyager 2 on August 20, Voyager 1 two weeks later on September 5) and embarked on a journey of exploring our solar system's outer planets. Having captured and transmitted data and images from Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune and Uranus (as well as the planets' respective moons) during the 1980s, the two probes remain operational 33 years on.
'Both probes were installed with a Golden Record. Simultaneously a greeting card, map and time capsule, these devices contained images and sounds from Planet Earth and voice greetings in more than 50 languages. The records' content describing our home was selected and assembled by the late Carl Sagan, just in case someone out there might be listening as the Voyagers passed through.' (Tonic article).
Thursday, May 13. 2010
911: The Musical
Wednesday, May 12. 2010
Will The ConDem Coalition Kill Mandelson's DE Act?
'The appointment of Vince Cable as the UK's new business secretary throws the future of the controversial Digital Economy Act into doubt.
'As the country awoke this morning to the news that it has a coalition government for the first time since World War II, it also emerged that Cable, the Liberal Democrats' former Chancellor hopeful, has been made Secretary of State for Business, Skills and Innovation.
'This is one of the Cabinet seats formerly occupied by Lord Mandelson, the mastermind behind the Digital Economy Act, which created new powers to fight Internet piracy.
'While the Act was panned for tilting the balance of power online away from users and ISPs, some of its most controversial details – such as the provisions on disconnecting persistent pirates - were left to secondary legislation to be drawn up by the Secretary of State and Ofcom.
'The Lib Dems were the only major party to vote against the Act when it passed last month, and newly-appointed Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg spoke openly during the election campaign about repealing it.
'We doubt that the future of the Act would have been a priority in the talks that led to the creation of the new Conservative-led coalition, but with Cable now at the reins, it's far from certain that the DE Act's powers will be handled in the way Mandelson imagined.' (THINQ article)
Tuesday, May 11. 2010
Adios Carrera
Congratulations are in order, to the person who stole my dark silver Carrera AM Fury mountain bike from the Kirkgate in Dunfermline on Saturday afternoon. It was chained to the gates of the Abbey just outside The Creepy Wee Pub, however the thief managed to crack the combination lock in broad daylight and make off with the bike from right under my nose as I sat next to the window enjoying a beer in the boozer.
I’d also like to congratulate the Police Contact Centre for being about as useful as a one legged man at an ass kicking contest. After giving them a call to report the crime, it was reassuring to be put through to a call centre in Glenrothes when the crime was committed here at the other side of Fife.
Apparently Fife Council’s extensive and normally intrusive CCTV network actually managed to record the crime being committed, however, the police request to acquire stills of the crime “could take up to a week,” said one officer on the telephone - by which time my bike will have probably been sold to Smack Generator or had the serial numbers filed off it and the frame resprayed an entirely different colour. What surprised me even more, however, was the response I got upon requesting if I would be able see the CCTV stills myself: “This won't be possible,” remarked the officer on the phone, “as these images come under the Data Protection Act.” In other words, the criminal's identity is protected by law and any attempt by me to identify him would be in breech of his civil liberties.
One assumes, however, that had a bottle of Buckfast been nicked from a local supermarket, the rapid response unit would have sprung into action and caught the criminal almost instantly since the last thing we need in this community is for multinational corporations to lose any profit.
As it happens, I am only a mere citizen who is becoming so accustomed to being ripped off and let down by the system that I am virtually anaesthetized to it all anyway. So, enjoy my bike, whoever stole it, and pray that you don’t break your neck if it throws you over the handlebars.